Life Without You

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I miss you, and there’s no one else that can fill that void that you left. I have times where I struggle to get out of bed, and face the very world in which I know you do not exist anymore. To carry on as normal. To tell the very ruins of my soul that cry out your name every night that it will be okay, that I will get over this , but the sun sets and it rises again and I feel the same old numb feeling in my heart from the night before and the night before and it never changes.

Maybe I’ll learn to live without you or maybe I won’t. All I know is that your memory will never escape the dark abyss of my soul, every laugh as important and different as the next, echoes in the hallways of my heart and every one of your words is etched deep into my weary old skin, that has allowed me to live to the ripe old age of 96.

Your memories never leave me, nor will they as I am close to joining you now, and I hope that when we meet its the same as it had always been, and I shall remain your dearest as I see you in Heaven and tug at your coat letting you know I’m the same old girl you left behind to face the world alone, and I’m the same old girl who conquered that world in the only hope to meet you again.

“Nobody is fearless, we are all scared of losing someone we love”

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6 thoughts on “Life Without You

  1. I wouldn’t have guessed that you’re 96yo. Has your life been low-stress? My 50th birthday was this month, on the 4th. I’m surprised to have come this far, considering that I’ve been a heavy drinker since age 18. I drank much harder after my mother passed. No one to stop me anymore, for my dad was already gone. I’ve been bereaved like you. Losing Mom was the most trying time of my life. I still dream about her while sleeping. Sometimes she and I are in conflict. During her lifetime, she never found happiness that lasted. She had superficial taste in men, striking out with three husbands and a child by each one. She had an aesthetic personality, which of the three of us kids only I understood. Mom and I were very close. I’m a bit surprised that our bond didn’t cause homosexuality in me. While in uni I had to fight with her domination through the medium of erotic fantasy. She was finally mastered when I graduated and earned myself a key in Phi Beta Kappa. She always deemed herself brighter than everybody else. My honor took her breath away. Over time she sort of wilted and deferred to me. I’m not proud of that now, and 1994 was a long time ago. When she died and my siblings zoomed in for the kill, I was dreadfully lost and derelict for a decade or so. The fact remains that Mom was indeed very intelligent and idiosyncratic. I only had one girlfriend who was spiritually like my mother, and she was a fine arts major. When she dumped me, I was devastated. Well okay, I have a Scottish pen pal now who’s both literal like Mom and a gifted artist. And my middle girlfriend was a talented writer – always at her best in feisty feminist mode… I’ve talked your ear off. To visit my blog, you need only click on my trike image. Have a good week and month. And here’s to another 96 years!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I’m not 96 years old, I write from personal memories and people in my life that have had an effect on me I borrow a memory from one character and another and create my writing 96 is not my age. I am nowhere near that age I’m still studying. 96 would be my grandmothers age this year if she had lived. Also I love that my writing had caused a flow of memories for you… I don’t know if that is a good thing or not but to me you’re words mean a lot and yoy have a good week also

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      1. The “metempsychosis” technique is cool, with you being the “arranger” at the center. Have you read/studied _Ulysses_? Joyce blended identities to perhaps show that all lives are interrelated and unified. One big family in his encyclopedic mind. Joyce had a huge intellect. I don’t think I’d sit down with that novel again. I think boundaries and limits are important, if only for sanity’s sake. _U_ is inductive reasoning taken to an extreme of togetherness. It is also deductive and detailed, which can leave the reader wondering, “What am I supposed to do with all these separate threads?” I had a Shax professor who would tell them to look for repeated patterns. That’s the best way to make sense of the book as a whole. It takes an effort to unify all the information into themes. But, it’s a big reward to have the book unlock for you… Sorry I read your 96yo too literally. It didn’t sound quite right… _Leaves of Grass_ is a series of free verse poems by Whitman that also attempt to unify the diverse. Have you read it? It’s another global experience like Joyce, except earlier (begun in 1855) and American. If you haven’t scanned it, I hope you do someday. American Romanticism is like a Renaissance for literature in English. The writers tended to use more words than necessary; long-winded clauses and all that. Where do you want to take your writing? I’d try to help and proof for you if you care about looking polished. It’d give me something to do, something useful… Thanks for shedding light on your work for me. Perhaps I already pitched in a bit by suggesting that your character blending wasn’t quite self-explanatory. Please take this remark the right way. Hope to hear back soon. Take care.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Okay, what’s the best way to work out the technology of proofreading? I know nothing of templates, and am not a computer wizard. How would you like to hook up? You might send attached files to my email at robgraden@outlook.com (but be sure to keep a backup copy for comparison with any editing I do)… Out of curiosity, what part of the UK are you from? Later Gator

        Liked by 3 people

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